If Carlsberg made adventure cycling tours

With the heat increasing and Bulgaria being the most hilly country yet I have cycled through I have often found my mind drifting into fantasies, something which I can not control. I get lost in these fantasies hoping that every corner I turn they might come true. Here’s an example of one.

I’m cycling down a long and distant road that has no end, the sun is melting the road and I’m dripping with sweat. As I move slowly down the road I see something, a building a some kind. Hopefully it will be a shop which I could fill my water bottles in.

“Hello Mr Hughes we have been expecting you.”

“Your room is ready.”

“What room?” I ask

“Your special room that we have arranged for you, please make yourself comfortable your food is nearly ready.”


“Yes sir, for starters you will be having 2 roast dinners, for the main course you will be having 4 roast dinners and for desert you will be having 4 cheesecakes, all free of course. Please rest your legs in your jacuzzi while the chef finishes up.”

As I enter the jacuzzi a projector comes out of the wall and a huge screen follows and starts playing George Carlin live.

“Ahh your food is ready, please relax you can eat it in the jacuzzi.”

“We have also spoken to the governments of the countries you plan to vist and have worked out a system in which we can make the rest of the trip flat for you without losing any of the scenery. A team a highly trained individuals are working around the clock to change the landscape so that it is a very high quality road with no bumps whatsoever.”

“Ahh the masseuse is here, please finish your food and watch the rest the stand up comedy first.”


“Sir, I have just got off the phone with the military and they have finished a new chemical spray for you. One tiny bit of this spray will kill all mosquitos and flies within 50 miles from you. They have also confirmed that all visas have been added to your passport and you can stay as long as you like in each country with 100% guarantee of entry for each one.”

“Why thank you”

“We have also had a special team of engineers working to turn one of your front panniers into a refrigerator. They are using a special material that makes it super lightweight yet doesn’t comprise its insulation ability. They have made it possible to work off your dynamo hub so as you ride you are keeping everything cold. You can carry as much ice cream as you want with you and it will never melt.”

“We have also installed an external fan so when camping this fan with act as a AC for your tent. Simply keep your Reecharge powered up and connect it up and you should have AC in your tent all night long”

If Carlsberg made adventure cycling tours.

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